Truth: No More Fall

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  Most of you from what I gather , just love the Fall. It's all I hear about. Some of you even say it is your favorite season. You love the changing of the colors, the cooling of the weather, carving pumpkins, and spiced cider. Crazy talk I say, crazy!

I do not like the fall and I'll tell you why. Sure I like pumpkins, and I love cider. I also love the World Series, and watching football. But I ask you, who in their right mind doesn't like that stuff? If football season was in the winter or spring you would still love it, and most of you will drink spiked cider all year around if given the chance. Now Thanksgiving I love...well... because food loves me...I can't deny it. The day after Thanksgiving is pure hell however with the thrust of mindless shoppers heading to the malls searching for tasteless gifts. So that's just one day, and yeah Halloween for the 2 hours it occurs is kinda neat too. But Fall is also the beginning of the school year and that totally is rotten. Unless you are some weird alien freak who prefers school over summer vacation.

Ok so the 3 weeks of leaves changing colors is nice if it doesn't rain. When it is cloudy, try taking a picture of a burnt orange tree...it aint pretty. In fact I do not find Fall to be pretty at all. I see the leaves falling as quite depressing, as a beautiful tree dying turning into a big brown stick that offers no shade or color. It is just a place for icicles to drop and fall on your head in the winter. The weather gets cooler, and since global warming is a farce, the nights are even colder. All the flowers die, and then what is left? Fall is the dying decay of summer and all that was in its splendor. Fall offers nothing but a preparation of a long winter. No one look forward to fall, they look forward to football, and well I'm not sure actually. Like I said, I know you like it, but you never give me a strong reason why.

More clouds, more rain, more mud in the house from the dogs. I don't even want to talk about cleaning up after the dogs in a yard that's full of leaves. Leaves...raking leaves over and over, and if you miss some, they become a pile of dirt in the spring, which makes more mud for the dogs to track in.

So I ask you my children what is so cool about the Fall? Tell me I need to know. I just don't see it. Do you wear a jacket or do you wear a coat? Do you need a hat and gloves, or only part of the time? Should you wear a sweater or just a long sleeve shirt? Then there's the fact that days get shorter, much shorter, and the lack of sun sucks the life right out of me. How do I combat that? Drink the spiced cider most likely.

People may name their daughters June, April, or May. But do they name them September, October, or November? NO! Because those months are simply just ugly. Now granted I know some chicks that should be named one of those months…but you get my drift.

I think if you are all with me on this, we can eliminate September 2 through December 21, and just go from Labor Day to Christmas week. Who needs the fall? Come on let's do it. No More Fall!