A.D.D. Rumblings No. 21008

It could be the cold weather, the dark grey skies, the endless hours without any real formidable sunlight that is getting to me. It could be that added the culmination of just a string of not-so-good days, impending frustrations, and friends in need. It could be this keyboard which at times feels as though it has my arms chained to it, while be held down with a giant cement block. So what am I really saying here? It's not that I severly bummed out or really down, it is just I may be getting stir crazy.

I live for the summer. I can't help but think that my Mediterranean genes are best suited for more southern climates. It's when I am most content and able to think clearly. Increased activity has to play a part in my overall well being as well. I just don't do as much as I should during the winter because it is so darn cold.

I often wonder why my previous lineage settled in the midwest where the climate is best suited for penquins and polar bears from November through March. Alas I know they followed where the jobs were, and now it seems for many reasons I am stuck here for a while here. Poor planning on my part at least, so perhaps there is no point in complaining about it. No point in hoping global warming happens sooner than later to save my sanity. At least I should better prepare for a future or at least yearly vacations to tend to my weak ill suited extremities. What really baffles me are the people that choose places to live that are more north like Duluth, Winipeg, or Fargo. While I don't find this baffling, I do find it "lame", at least as it applies to me. That is the constant rationale that somehow winter sports make up for long winters. Spare me.

So as it's now mid-February, the coldest month of the year and I can't help but think of sunny beaches or bike rides along a trail when I'm loving every minute of it. Yes, you will never hear me complain about the heat during the summer because I know too well the fear I have of long cold winters. Is there anything I can do to speed up the global warming process? I think I'll let my lawn mower run all day tommorow for the heck of it. I need some heat! The weather impacts my ability to want to do most things, and my energy level to do the simplest of things.

I feel my body shut down, and worse my mind starts to rot. It's the same feeling I get when watching something like the Grammys. What a complete waste of time because it is utterly useless to me. Something has to change, something has to change, something has to change. So continues the winter of my discontent. Discontent because the winter is slowing me down...physically, mentally, and spiritually. The snow is pretty for Christmas, but that's about it....well that and some sledding.

Do you ever have that feeling of wanting something, but not knowing how to attain it? That it is just out of your reach. That is what winter feels like to me. That is what winter does to me. I need to ignore it's plight, I need to rise above it, I need to take control of it and use it to my benefit. Hook a brotha up.