A candidate you've never heard of

FRANK PAGE aka The Frankenator

I just watched part of the debate ( I couldn't stomache the whole think). Both candidates are so stupid that I have decided to run myself so I can save the country. Here are my platforms:

The Economy:
Cancel the bailout and spend the $700 Billion on building roads, bridges, windmills and other infrastructure.

Energy:
I will appoint T. Boone Pickens Secretary of energy and I will do whatever he says.

Healthcare:
More jobs with benefits will be created and decrease the number of people without healthcare (see economy).
Put a Medicare and Medicaid tax on cigarettes and junk food. Fat people and people who smoke are the main reason that healthcare is so expensive.

Defense
We will stay in Iraq as long as they need us. We will bill them $1 billion per day for services rendered.
Our military will no longer be used to search for Osama Bin Laudin. Instead, I will offer a $1billion dollar bounty for whoever brings me his head (literally not figuratively, you must provide his actual head to receive the bounty).

Taxes
The income tax will be eliminated. A federal sales tax will be placed on everything except food and medicine.

Government Spending
Because the income tax is being eliminated the IRS budget will be decreased by 90%. All earmarks created by Congress will be eliminated. If anyone in Congress attempts to add an earmark to a bill the following penalties will be imposed:

First offense: I will veto the entire bill no matter what it does.

Second offense: I will veto the entire bill no matter what it does and they will have their picture and whatever stupid thing they asked for on the cover of the New York Times.

Third offense: Their writing hand will be cut off and placed in my trophy case next to Bin Laudin's head.

Abortion
Abortions will be decreased significantly by mandating that birthcontrol be added to Marboro Lights and wine coolers.

Drugs
Drugs will be legalized which will save us money by eliminating the DEA. To deter the use of drugs while driving anyone who gets a DUI will be sentenced to the following:

First offense: You will have your license taken away for 90 days and will be forced to have the words: "I am an idiot" tatooed on your forehead.

Second offense: The foot that you use to operate the accelerator will be cut off an placed in my trophy case next to Bin Laudin's head and the hands of stupid legislators.

Gay Rights
Who cares!

Guns
You can have a gun but if you do anything stupid with it your trigger finger will be cut off and placed in my trophy case next to Bin Laudin's head the hands of stupid legislators and the feet of people convicted of DUIs.

Trade
Any country that puts a tariff on American goods will face the following consequences:

First offense: We will ask them politely to stop it.

Sencond offense: We will put a 50% tariff on all their goods.

Third offense: We will nuke them.

All other issues
All other issues will be handled by the states. Any govenor that complains will have their toungue cut off and placed in my trophy case next to Bin Laudin's head, the hands of stupid legislators, the feet of people who get DUIs and the fingers of people that do stupid things with guns.

My name is Frank Page and I hope that I can count on your support to save our country.


I'm Hockeydino and I approve this message, even though he isnt as conservative as me.