I have been a follower of your blog for some time now and notice you sometimes have guests write stories. I recently had something happen to me that I thought might interest some of your readers.
Like a lot of Facebook users I got reconnected with some old friends from high school. I am in my 40's so I have been out of high school for a day or two. There were 2 women, Judy and Brenda, whom I had developed what I thought was a nice friendship. We live in communities about 2 hours drive from one another and we had gotten together numerous times. We had gone to events together and they both had hosted me in their homes a couple of times. These were friendships that I had considered very important, people I had come to trust and like very well.
They also had a friendship with another woman who happened to have been a bully to me in high school. That was okay with me...people can choose their own friends. I did say that if she were to be invited to any events, just let me know, and I will be unavailable. I felt no need to see her, culture a friendship..."start fresh", not necessary.
Recently, Judy hosted a party and the bully was invited. Brenda posted pictures of the party on Facebook. I was fully aware of the party and looked for the pictures I knew would be there. I was enjoying the pictures, everyone was having fun at Judy's pool. Until I came across a series of 3 photos at the end. For some reason, my friends thought it would be great sport to re-enact a hurtful event that took place with the bully and me 25 years ago, take pictures, post them and then comment on them.
I quietly deleted them from my account, quietly deleted their phone numbers from my cell. Later, I did hear from them. Brenda sent me a heartfelt apology, with a bit of an explanation. Apparently there had been a misunderstanding, Brenda and her husband were convinced that I had maligned them with Judy a year previously. So instead of clarifying it with me...her husband was judge and jury, took his hurt feelings, convicted me, and thought I should be punished. This was my punishment.
Judy contacted me with a half-hearted apology. And attached to it was a justification for their actions and her pity at my pathetic inability to "get over it".
We all have other common friends on Facebook of course. I have not discussed it with anyone else. I don't want any undue gossip. I don't feel the need to make a "team me" or anything like that. But I am wondering HD if any of your readers have had something like this happen to them since Facebook. Has anyone enjoyed a reconnection with old friends, and then felt a betrayal? Are some things just "deal breakers" or are most things forgivable with enough time?
Thank you for the space.
Marlene, people open up their Facebook accounts to the world. They are idiots for doing so. Use security on your wall, and your photo albums, so that those you don't really know aren't seeing things. There's a reason why security is in place for privacy settings - use it. People need to eliminate information about themselves too. The people who are important to you, your close family and friends already know this stuff. Those that aren't so close, don't need to know. If they want to know, reconnect and convey the information when you can surely trust them. Until then, keep an arms length with everyone and don't set yourself up for getting hurt. Now, this was not your fault. You did nothing wrong by dropping them either. Take the high road and keep your profile sacred. I would order pizza to their homes often, and get as many magazine subscriptions filled out to their addresses as well. It's the little things in life that count.