Womanspeak
I got this listing forwarded to me and I've seen it a few times over the years. So I've modified it and added my brilliance to it, with some additional commentary.
Just know I feel this post is a bit redundant in nature as you probably already know this stuff if you are over the age of 18. Alas though, it's good for the young men of the world who are learning the true meaning of fem-psychosis (aka chicks) to get some notes early on. Education is a good thing. Stay thirsty my friends.
Words women use...
1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. When this word is used, you need to change the subject or let them talk about something else. Fine is your STOP sign. When you see it, don't yield, just stop. You don't want the oncoming semi-truck of emotions running into you. You have no air bags brother built for that. They just don't exist.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. A women's clock is different than a man's clock. There's time, and there is women's time. Women's time is just different. Know your time doesn't matter, theirs does. This has also been referred to as borrowed time.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine . Nothing is a tough thing to hear. Nothing is that rumble you get in your belly an hour after eating Taco Bell. Nothing is that sniffle that turns into pneumonia. Nothing is that itch in your throat that turns out to be strep. Nothing is that moment in a haunted house when you see something scary, you know it's fake, but you still scream.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it! How many times have I see a grown man cry because of this. Stupid machismo, the illusion of power, the mirage of manhood always wiped out by the reality of Go Ahead. Don't go ahead, go back, turn, or stop. This is the equivalent to the triple dog dare. I'm shaking my head right now in disapproval because I know you've done it.
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) There is nothing more loud than that of a sigh. Imagine sitting in the park, and out of nowhere a loud plane flies by and scares the hell out of you. Imagine a marching band coming by, then the bass drum kicks in when they walk past you. That's a loud sigh.
6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Usually when you hear this, if you listen closely you'll hear organ music playing. Impending doom is near.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you; do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. Yeah don't talk after this. smile and walk away. It has pretty much taken an Act of God for her to say this, don't ruin it. You potentially could have a few more in your life time, but if you push your luck..it's over. You can thank me later.
8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying HECK NO! As soon as you hear whatever, just change your tune. It's over whatever you wanted. Agree and move on. A woman will say whatever because she's not in the mood to argue at that time. Whatever those is an indicator that she's capable of arguing, just don't.
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3. Are you proud of yourself? You just blew it my man. You didn't do the work to begin with, and now it will be held against you for years on end. I'm sorry.
10.) She's pretty : You don't say yes when she points out that someone is pretty. You don't say no either. If you say no, she knows you are lying. If you say yes, she has just set you up and wants to stick a fork in your eye. You need to pretend you really didn't notice and say yeah I guess she's pretty, then immediately change the subject. Or you could chime in with yeah she's pretty all made up, but without make up she's dog meat. A good one to use is, yeah she's pretty, but she dresses horribly. One way to avoid this altogether is to bring it up first and say "Oh My God, look at her and how she dresses. I can't believe people these days". This will give you another 30 seconds to look for free.
Rod Allen
