A little different this time as I'll just post a serious email. I thought it was important to read and stand alone. I hope you do too.
I wanted to send you this because well, I’m not sure why. I think it’s because you have a forum that allows a lot of people to read it via FB, twitter and your blog. I enjoy reading your stuff by the way and I agree with many of your opinions. Maybe it’s because I really don’t know you and I need an outlet for this topic and felt, oddly, you would listen (read it and or delete it). Maybe its because you yourself have posted how ridiculous people are on social media and I wanted to give you food for thought. I don’t know. But I’m writing it anyways. Which is odd, because I am extremely private.
In the last 4 weeks I have lost 4 people within my circle of friends and family. All 4 deaths were extremely unexpected, ranging from the ages of 32-66. Some were caused by life style choices and one was a murder. No matter what reason for their deaths, there are wakes of hearts that are hurting and missing their immediate loved ones and or friend.
Sadly, in addition to the other losses, I am waiting for my grandfather to pass. He was placed in hospice a few months ago and we have learned his kidneys have completely failed. The doctors now have taken him off all his meds and are just “watching the minutes tick on the clock” until the end arrives.
Needless to say this is a lot for one person to handle in a short period of time; by that one person, I do mean me. I am thankful that the one good friend that passed this morning, I was able to see him on my first trip home in 10 years. I got to hug him. Enjoy a few drinks with him and remember what our friendship was like a long time ago. I have also been able to be there for my long time friend who had his exwife murdered and is now raising children alone. I am blessed to know that one of my favorite persons in the world has been able to touch and help our friend deal with her father’s death. They live over a thousand miles away so subsequently I can’t be there. I also know, that my old friend from high school has a strong family network and will be fine dealing with her father-in-laws death.
I guess it’s really not all the death that is bothering me. Death is a transition and we should celebrate their life, not feel pity for not having them with us (that is an entirely different rant). It is something else altogether. Something my parents have never had to think about and being that I am 37, never thought I would either. However I understand more now, that my two teenagers will be dealing with situations like these because they are from the technology age raised on the Internet, social media and blogging.
What has me perplexed is Facebook. As I type this I wanted to blame it on FB, but realize, it’s the people who use it not the media. You know, like the anti-gun people who believe guns are bad? It’s really not the gun it’s the user. So what I mean to say is I’m sickened with the Facebook user (and yes that includes myself).
A lot of our friends are on FB posting on my friend’s wall. Yes the very friend who passed today. Seriously.
It is the death, no pun intended, of our social mores.
My ex boyfriend from college and still good friend today had no idea that his good friend had passed today. I text him because I wasn't certain he knew yet and I wanted to speak with him; hear his voice first, just in case I was going to be the one telling him the horrible news. He said he knew something was wrong by my text, got on FB, then saw "RIP" on our deceased friends page and called me instantly.
W T F ?? Sorry, but seriously?
He read it on FB.
Why I can't stand watching people post crap all day long about meaningless stuff. For example: "oh the storm! My flowers are happy" or "I just killed a mosquito in my room” or "I just made blah blah with blah that I bought from blah". The one I loathe is using FB as forum to anonymously air (or vent) their dirty laundry about their significant others, children, lovers, affairs, family or friends. Like the post that say "....you know who I'm talking about, I'm not naming names" Truth is they don’t have to we can figure it out ourselves because they post so much or "I can't stand it when people think or do..." Really? Who are they to judge?
It is the EPITOME of Narcissism. At it's best!
Honestly, who the hell wants to know that shit? And why do they think FB is their therapist? Here is an idea…Get a good friend (assuming they have one) a fifth of gin and have an old fashion talk if you can't afford a therapists! And stay off of FB. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! But yet they continue. And now it is a forum for a fellow human’s death. ? WTF?-sorry
Yes I too post things. I'll admit, mostly because my family members ask to keep them posted on stuff because I have lived for 16 years thousand of miles away from friends and family and admittedly it has been a wonderful way to keep in touch. I even posted pictures of the dinner my mother-in-law made because she asked me to post them so her family in Italy could see it. YES. My husband has 400 relatives in Spain. His mother was born and raised in there and only came to the US when she was 7 months pregnant with my husband. So admittedly FB has helped us all cross the ocean and become a silly Italian/American family of new technology and quick translations. It really is not that bad of a media. Again, it’s the user in my mind.
I stopped talking to a very close friend over FB posting. She insisted on posting on my page about my grandpa being placed in hospice. Our family in WI hadn't even heard the news yet and some still don't know. I am a very shy person and hate attention in a public let alone a public forum like FB; why would I want people to know about my grief? I was not having family and friends read about my grandfather on a FB news feed because a 55 yr. old woman lost her social moral compass and felt like I wanted to be consoled on FB...? WTF (sorry again for my French…but seriously??) Call me. Talk to me. Tell me you love me with your VOICE. Don't “FB me” how sorry you are that my grandfather will be passing soon. A perfect example of NARCISISM at its best…and FB only helps make it worse. Let’s be honest, that was for her to look good not to make me feel good. It was so others would say: "oh look ____ (insert name here)___ is so sweet and thoughtful. She posted a condolence on so and so’s FB page. OMG what a great friend!"
SERIOUSLY? A friend I didn’t mind losing.
Last night I spoke with my very good friend, who his ex wife was just murdered, it broke my heart. He was a soldier. He fought in 3 wars. He told me of stories where he had to put his friends/solders in body bags because he watched them get blown up. He also told me that telling his kids that their mother died was 10,000,000 times worse. He said, "I single handedly ripped their hearts out and crushed their souls, changed their lives forever” when I spoke of their mothers death. BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE…Guess what is happening with him after the death? Instead of being there for his kids as he should be, getting things straightened away and loving them, playing with them. GUESS? People, family and friends are starting drama on FB! Again WTF? Sorry, I don’t mean to be vulgar.
Children had their mother violently taken away from them, unjustly. And ADULTS are on FB talking about it, starting family fights and boo wooing over theirloss. ? WOW. Since her death, he has received over 400 private messages on FB, not including the posts on his personal page or his “friends” post on their personal page and the FB game requests.
He has received 4 phone calls and 2 visits in person.
Nothing else to say about that.
It's amazing to me how our society has changed because of one boy’s idea to get back at the guy who stole the girl he loved. What's worse is it's changed more people, more relationships and most importantly our lives for the better and in some cases the worse. How do I help my teenagers with knowing what is acceptable behavior, when even adults on FB can’t behave? In the event of a death, what type of grieving process do we expect with this social networking age? What is acceptable? What is crossing the line? Has there been a new set of social mores written that I don’t know about? Is it really that bad we have an outlet? (not really, I’m using up your time for one right now, so I am just as bad. Right?)
Now we have things like Twitter, Blogging (many I don’t even know the names of) the debate and fuss over Google + versus Facebook and many more things to come I’m sure. Really, what did happen to us? When did making a call on the phone become such an archaic thing to do? Giving a friend a hug when they hurt? Yes I know that would require us to get off the Internet and put down our phones, drive to their house and actually touch them. Not post on FB:
Bubba Gump XOXOXO sorry for your loss!!!!!!! ;(
Here is the sad thing. I will still have an account. I will continue to fish through the boring posts about what one ate/drank and giggle about the 50-year-old woman who uses FB to bitch about how unhappy she really is but doesn’t want to admit it and loves the attention she gets when she does it. I too will post pictures of my children, myself, martini’s I have drank, quotes from people who I want to think for me, and mundane details of my life. I am a two faced Facebook user.