It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up. The thought of being in space was super cool. I think some of it may have been brought on by Larry Hagman who played an astronaut in I Dream of Jeannie. Of course it may have been Don Knotts in The Reluctant Astronaut. It had to be that. Space was cool man. Far out. No matter, space was it for me.
It hit me the other day though. As I often think about what I wanted to be when I was younger...It is a fact that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe it is because the thought of being "grown up" is this mental road block. As if the words are telling me to not go there. Grow up? Grown up? That's no fun. Who wants to grow up?
Then you get all the quote happy people who tell you that youth is wasted on the young. That you are only as old as you feel. You are only as old as the girl you kiss. You are only as old as you want to be. You know, all the old vs. young cliches. Yeah whatever.
I know I am pretty grown up. I can tell by my debt. I know I am grown up, because I worry about taking the trash out, and compare power tools with the neighbor. The things my father used to always do, that drove me nuts as a kid. Funny how that works.
But I have to tell you. I feel 16. Not a happy 16, but a grumpy "I don't want to go to work yet or school" 16. I want to just drive my car to the park, wax it, then play frisbee listening to Boston. What do I want to be?
I don't know that I want to grow up. I do want to be something. I don't know what. An astronaut is out of the question. Being stuck in a space station transported by Russians isn't my cup of tea. After all the anti communist stuff I've been spewing, I don't think they would bring me back anyways.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've never really known, and I'm a bit scared that I'll never know. Where I am today, is not what I was meant to do. That's all I know.
Ground control to Major Tom...
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