It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There were many times when after school I would take the bus home. While on the bus I felt as though I was in a cloud and could not see anyone around me. I was oblivious to my surroundings and was just going through the motions. And while I have not had that feeling in many decades, I still remember it like it was yesterday. I’ve often read stories where people felt the same thing as that, but I never really got a definition of what it was. Did I just need glasses and could not see? Was I just dizzy and needed some sugar? I don’t know other than I was in this state of suspense while taking the bus home.
It was like a dream sequence you see on TV, where you are there, but everything around you is cloudy. And while this cloudy feeling has gone away, there’s a part of me that thinks it will return someday when I least expect it. I feel it’s still a part of me, even though it hasn’t shown up in quite sometime. I think it will show up someday again, but this time I’ll embrace it as a long lost friend. As some sort of existentialist waiting ritual, it will eventually come to me. It’s not an easy thing to let go. I don’t know why. I don’t think I want to know why. I’m assuming because if it returns I can then know it again. I can then identify it again. In my mind it is clear as day still. It seems like it was yesterday that it occurred.
I wasn’t trying to be a smarty pants, I just couldn’t handle them going on and on when I knew the answer. Why didn’t they listen to me? I wonder today if I ignore kids when they have something to add to a conversation or not? I fear I may. That outcome is probably wishful thinking on my part, since I just think they were in their comfort zone whipping their hands around and shouting like a bunch of raving loons.